How to deal with disappointment

Disappointment comes in many sizes and shapes. Everyone has dealt with it and will face it again. If you are someone who is actively trying or doing anything in life, you are going to encounter disappointment at times. These can come in any area of life, relationships, work, friendships, hobbies, and more.  When disappointment comes up for you, here are a few ideas on how to deal with disappointment so you are able to move past the feelings to get back to living your life. 

Disappointment: sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations.

I love looking up the definitions of commonly used words and discovering the intricacies of what makes up the word. The idea that this is when your hopes, dreams, or expectations are not fulfilled, gives some additional dimension to the complexity of this feeling. Facing disappointment can be hard, painful, demoralizing, and feel like a loss or betrayal.

Disappointment can come in many shapes and sizes. Things like:

• Not getting the job or promotion you have been working hard for
• A friend standing you up for a coffee date
• When something you buy doesn’t turn out as you expected
• You find out your dream job actually kind of sucks once you start it
• Grocery store sushi that makes you sick
• The Instagram perfect vacation spot isn’t so perfect

Each person will deal with disappointment differently and will deal with different kinds of disappointments in different ways. None of these ideas are instant cures or magic fixes. They each will require some internal work and some may not resonate with you. That is ok! Everyone is different, and you know what works best for you! Below are some ways to work on addressing the root feeling of disappointment and to begin healing and work towards returning to your fabulous life. 

Give yourself some compassion.

Change your self-talk to be empathetic and understanding. If it helps, imagine you are talking to your friend or to the 5-year-old version of yourself. If your friend was just passed over for her dream promotion, you wouldn’t tell her that she isn’t actually very smart and she is only good at doing basic work. NO!!! So why are you telling yourself those things? 

It’s ok that the disappointment causes you to feel hurt, sad, worthless, or any other feeling you may have. Be kind to yourself while you work through these feelings. If you have a cruel thought about yourself, catch it and counteract it with something gentle and understanding. Regardless of what happened, you are never a disappointment or worthless to the world because of the disappointing situation. 

Write down a list of a few of your favorite traits or things you love about yourself. Or ask someone else you are close with what their favorite things about you are. Believe those things and hold them as truth. Starting a gratitude journal can also help with this as you start documenting things about yourself and about the world that you are grateful for. 

Let it out. 

Cry, Be mad. Yell. Vent. Journal out all of your vicious internal thoughts. Say what you are feeling, but keep it in a safe space (this does not give you permission to attack someone personally or online). 

Work it out.

Go do something physically tiring. This might be your normal tough workout at the gym or something unique like a hike or kickboxing class to really wear you out and get you out of your normal space.  Tiring out the body can keep the mind from overworking and overthinking about disappointment. 

Look at it from the other person’s perspective.

This is not to make excuses for them, but to help yourself with understanding their side. Often, their actions occurred in a selfish or overwhelmed moment and in no way reflect your worth, value, or how much they care about you. Seeing it from their perspective or in light of what is going on in their lives currently can help the disappointing action seem less personal to you. Talking through this with a friend may be helpful as they can offer a different perspective and bring some distance to the hurt of what happened. 

Distract or reward yourself.

There is nothing wrong with a short-term distraction or reward when you are dealing with something tough. Now is a perfect time to put your Self-care menu into practice! Pick up your favorite meal for dinner tonight, pick a favorite TV show or movie, and keep your phone off for the evening. Before bed, light a candle, put on a face mask, and rest. Treat yourself with kindness and gentleness for a few days while you are working through the emotions of your disappointment.

Take steps to move past it and look ahead to other hopes and exciting things to come.

This may look like being the bigger person or bucking up and doing the hard things. Maybe it’s being the first to reach out to a friend who hurt you. Or send a thank you note to the interviewer of your dream job that you didn’t get. Having some sort of active closure or way of moving on will help you with looking forward. You can’t let this disappointment fester. It will only cause damage to you. 

Look for something else in the near future that you can be excited about. Maybe it’s a coffee date with a friend, an upcoming weekend trip, buying a special treat you have had your eye on for a while. Find something (or a couple of somethings) and look forward to them!

What good can come from disappointment?

At the moment, it can feel like nothing good can come from this. But with some time, you may be able to see it. Disappointment is less useful as emotion and far more useful as a data point or a piece of information that can be used to make a decision. What did you learn from your feelings and experience that can be helpful as you move forward?

Maybe the disappointment from getting stood up by the 15th Tinder date is really showing you that it’s time for a temporary break from Tinder or it could mean that you should double down on your Tinder efforts, and maybe add Bumble or Hinge into the mix. 

There is no right or wrong answer on how to move past. It is dependent on you, your personal feelings, and what you think is best for you. Remember, listening to the opinions of people with who you are close can be helpful, but in the end, you know yourself and your desires the best. Listen to and trust yourself.

Disappointment will happen. Unless you hide under a rock with no other human contact, you will face disappointment. The more often you are growing and stepping outside of your comfort zone, the more often you will face disappointment and failure. The faster you figure out what you need to work past the disappointment, the sooner you can get back to conquering the world! 

What helps you when you are disappointed? I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas! Share them in the comments below or over on our Instagram post.